Expensive Readers: The 20th anniversary HUMP! Movie Competition — the world’s greatest and greatest pageant of quick porn movies — kicked off in Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco during the last two weeks. Our superb new assortment will probably be touring to greater than forty cities over the following few months. (Go to humpfilmfest.com to seek out out when HUMP! is coming to you!) We had an enormous social gathering in Seattle to have fun HUMP!’s twentieth birthday — huge because of Naomi Value-Lazarus and Breona Mendoza from Seattle Intercourse Trivia for internet hosting — and I took questions from the gang and I’m utilizing these questions this month’s Quickies column. There are just a few questions on HUMP!, which I’ll reply first, some good intercourse questions, and some private ones that I usually wouldn’t reply however I’m making an exception. — Dan
1. Congrats on twenty years of HUMP! Do you know it will be such an enormous success when it began?
We didn’t see it coming.
After we made our first name for submissions twenty years in the past — after we invited individuals in Seattle to ship us their novice porn — we weren’t positive we might get any submissions. I imply, have been individuals in Seattle going to ship us home made porn to be screened for Seattle audiences that would embody their pals, neighbors, and coworkers? The reply to that query was sure — we obtained tons of submissions that first yr — so, we booked a theater and introduced the First Annual HUMP! Movie Competition. Then we puzzled if anybody would present up. I imply, would individuals come to a theater and sit subsequent to strangers at nighttime and watch pornography the best way their grandparents used to? The reply to that query was additionally sure — tickets for the primary HUMP! Movie Competition offered out inside hours — and some years later we have been taking HUMP! to different cities.
We get so many nice submissions for HUMP! that final yr our soiled little movie pageant got here out as biannual: HUMP! Half One excursions within the spring and HUMP! Half Two excursions within the fall. For the total checklist of cities HUMP! 2025 Half One is coming to this spring — together with the trailer, ticket information, and all the things it is advisable to learn about submitting your porn for HUMP! 2026 — go to humpfilmfest.com!
2. What was the most shocking submission to HUMP! this yr, why was it shocking, and did it make it into the pageant?
HUMP! audiences love surprises — as does each member of the HUMP! Jury — so essentially the most shocking submissions nearly at all times get accepted. My favourite shock in HUMP! 2025 Half One: an unique live-action film musical starring a attractive gooner and a sentient cum sock. Little Sock of Whores is shocking, attractive, laugh-out-loud humorous, and gloriously pornographic. The form of movie you possibly can solely see at HUMP!
3. What’s the single almost definitely factor to get a HUMP! submission rejected?
Size. We reject a number of movies that will’ve been nice — and would’ve made it into the pageant — in the event that they have been two- or three-minutes lengthy however put on out their welcomes/premises at 5 minutes. When you’re fascinated by making a movie for HUMP!, do not forget that 5 minutes is the utmost operating time, not the minimal!
4. What’s the most ineffective factor you know the way to do?
I understand how to seek out the clitoris — ineffective for me, helpful for many different males.
5. What’s the one manner that intercourse has modified during the last twenty years that has shocked you?
I’m shocked by how a lot much less intercourse individuals have lately. We’re coming into the second decade of a intercourse recession that reveals no signal of abating, and I don’t assume the efforts of “pro-natalist” Republicans to renormalize sexual assault, ban abortion, limit contraception, and make abusive marriages tougher to flee are going to show issues round. I’m additionally shocked by the rising variety of hyper-online queer incels far more outraged by intercourse scenes in films, age-gap relationships, and kink at delight than they’re by assaults on LGBT civil rights.
6. One tip for protecting a relationship enjoyable and adventurous?
New relationships really feel effortlessly adventurous as a result of — firstly — you’re the journey they’re on and so they’re the journey you’re on. To recapture that sense of journey in a long-term relationship, it is advisable to go on adventures collectively. Now, I can’t assign you an journey — my concept of an thrilling journey may be your worst nightmare — however as long as you make a aware effort to maintain doing new issues with, for, and to one another, your relationship will stay enjoyable and adventurous.
7. What’s your opinion of 69ing?
It’s wonderful as an appetizer — it’s wonderful if you’re rolling round with somebody, it’s wonderful if you’re transitioning from one place to a different, it’s wonderful if in case you have slightly time to kill earlier than the following episode of White Lotus — nevertheless it’s a awful important course.
8. What was your first kiss like?
My first kiss that basically mattered — my first kiss from a boy — was great. I used to be homosexual and closeted, he was bisexual and closeted, and we have been every pretending to be the form of straight boy who was tremendous safe in his heterosexuality… which is how I wound up with my head on his lap as we sat on the sofa in his condo speaking about politics late one evening after his girlfriend went house. Issues obtained actually quiet for a second after which he mentioned, “What would you do if I kissed you?” Praying it wasn’t a entice, I mentioned, “I’d kiss you again.” After which he kissed me, after which I kissed him again. My first kiss — which was shortly adopted by my first blowjob and my first faltering makes an attempt at PIB — was problematic in a few methods. He was 23, for starters, and I used to be 16; he was the boyfriend of one among my girlfriends, who was additionally 16, and he or she accused me of seducing her boyfriend (who clearly had a factor for youngsters and teenager drama) and the entire thing was a multitude. However what I took away from that have — along with a badly bruised coronary heart — was the belief that being requested for consent (“What would you do if I kissed you?”) was a thousand instances sexier than being lunged at.
9. How did you develop into a sexpert?
Accidentally. I began to write down an recommendation column thirty years in the past as a joke — as a result of wouldn’t it’s hilarious if a homosexual man gave intercourse recommendation to straight individuals? — and instantly began getting actual questions that required me to provide you with actual solutions. And right here’s one of many soiled little secrets and techniques about recommendation columnists: even when we needed to look one thing up and/or seek the advice of an skilled earlier than answering a query, we wish to faux we knew the reply all alongside. By wanting issues up and consulting precise consultants through the years, I discovered just a few issues alongside the best way…. like the place to seek out the clitoris. However I wouldn’t describe myself as a “sexpert,” as I hate that phrase nearly as a lot as I hate the phrase “nipple.” (Simply name it a tit, individuals.)
10. My companion informed me she does “vabbing” earlier than she fucks different individuals. Is that this an actual factor?
And right now I needed to look one thing up “vabbing”: “the appliance of vaginal secretions as a fragrance; [a term] popularized on TikTok in 2022 as a manner of attracting males.” First: #NotAllMen. Second: Even when solely your companion was doing this, it will be an actual factor. However seeing as “vabbing” has its personal Wikipedia entry, it’s protected to say your companion just isn’t the one girl doing this.
11. Do you ever really feel jealous about Terry having one other major companion? If that’s the case, how do you navigate that?
My husband doesn’t have “one other major companion,” since we follow — unapologetically — a hierarchical type of polyamory. So, I’m Terry’s husband, Tom’s Terry’s boyfriend. I’m the first, Tom’s the secondary. I’m Miss America, Tom’s First Runner Up. And we navigate jealousy like some other couple/throuple/quad/quint: we yell and scream, we go to mattress offended, we discuss it out within the morning.
12. I can solely come to darkish fantasies and so they’re getting darker. How can I make this sustainable with out operating out of fabric? I’m slightly frightened of the place this would possibly take me.
When you can’t notice your fantasies for moral causes… by no means act on them. When you can’t share your fantasies with out scaring individuals off… preserve your mouth shut. When you run out of fabric… use your creativeness. When you’re fearful you may be a hazard to your self or others… search skilled assist.
13. I used to be in a relationship for 2 years and I nonetheless miss her. How do I recover from her?
The quickest method to recover from somebody is by getting underneath another person — that’s what individuals have at all times mentioned, and now we all know it’s true.
14. Who’s your corridor cross?
Who isn’t my corridor cross?
P.S. Corridor passes are one thing individuals in monogamous relationships give their companions; somebody in a monogamous relationship who’s in possession of a corridor cross has permission to fuck a star in the event that they ever get the possibility, which after all they by no means will. Since I’m not in a monogamous relationship, I don’t want a corridor cross. However right here’s a partial checklist of male celebrities I’d wanna fuck if I ever had the possibility, which after all I by no means will: Michael Urie, Charlie Barnett, and Mike Faist.
15. What recommendation would you give to somebody who’s simply beginning to really feel freer of their sexuality of their forties?
Expensive Readers: The 20th anniversary HUMP! Movie Competition — the world’s greatest and greatest pageant of quick porn movies — kicked off in Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco during the last two weeks. Our superb new assortment will probably be touring to greater than forty cities over the following few months. (Go to humpfilmfest.com to seek out out when HUMP! is coming to you!) We had an enormous social gathering in Seattle to have fun HUMP!’s twentieth bi
rthday — huge because of Naomi Value-Lazarus and Breona Mendoza from Seattle Intercourse Trivia for internet hosting — and I took questions from the gang and I’m utilizing these questions this month’s Quickies column. There are just a few questions on HUMP!, which I’ll reply first, some good intercourse questions, and some private ones that I usually wouldn’t reply however I’m making an exception. — Dan 1. Congrats on twenty years of HUMP! Do you know it will be such an enormous success when it began? We didn’t see it coming. After we made our first name for submissions twenty years in the past — after we invited individuals in Seattle to ship us their novice porn — we weren’t positive we might get any submissions. I imply, have been individuals in Seattle going to ship us home made porn to be screened for Seattle audiences that would embody their pals, neighbors, and cowork
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