Dear ICE and CBP Agents,
Resign. Quit. Retire. Think about it. If you quit now, you can at least say you got out when the shit got crazy. If you continue to work for ICE or CBP, however, you will fuck yourself over in multiple ways.
You are probably not very bright, so I’ll try to make this simple: Nobody likes you.
Nobody.
At all.
Forever.
No real employers will want to hire you in the future if they see ICE or CBP on your resume. No one will be your friend. No one will fuck you. Your food will be spit on, or worse. If you have children, they will hate you. You will be subject to mockery, ridicule, and loathing forever. And you hopefully will get criminally prosecuted.
But if you resign now, there is a glimmer of hope. You can say that you got out when you realized that ICE and CBP are Nazis. You can say, “I’m one of the good ones who did what was right when my country depended on it.” Sure, it was significantly later than any rational, sane person would come to the same realization, but at least you got to the right place eventually.
If you resign, you will still be a douchebag, but you won’t be a fascist douchebag. And regular, non-fascist douchebags are incrementally better. They are far more likely to get a job and get paid. Or laid.
But if you stay? After the shootings? The beatings? The tear gas? The intimidation of protesters and observers? The detainment of 5-year-olds? The Nazi coats?
If you stay, you’re a Dick with a capital D for the rest of your sorry, lonely, pathetic life. So grow a pair of balls and resign already. Get a real job. Ice Out.
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