After almost 4 many years of life on this dreary blue marble spent dodging mounting idiocy, there’s no thriller extra perplexing than this: Why within the holy hell would anybody willingly select to stuff cookies into their mouth?
They’re fingers down essentially the most overrated dessert within the historical past of human creation, and it’s not even shut. These little sugar bombs are nothing greater than edible disgrace discs, consisting of sugar, flour, butter, and remorse. As a snack, they’re the equal of Ed Sheeran: All of the charisma of a dried moist nap however inexplicably in a position to entice a zealous flock of followers.
There ought to be a stronger phrase than hatred for my emotions about these Sort 2 diabetes catalyzers. If we’re dwelling in a pc simulation, then cookies are our petty programmer’s approach of doling out karmic justice for all my unpunished misdeeds, transgressions, and occasions I wanted sick on each single one in all my exes’ spouses on their marriage ceremony day.
I used to be of the assumption that being assigned this cookie countdown was itself a punishment for all these little moments of spite.
However then—growth—a glitch within the matrix. Lo and behold, the shock and sheer mind-bending disbelief I skilled once I bit right into a Hood Well-known Ube cookie. Hand on coronary heart, for a second, I believed I’d died and gone to some alternate universe the place cookies are literally value consuming. What the hell was this? Taste? Pleasure? A cookie that didn’t style like a lie besieged by sugar? I used to be floored.
Repeat after me: There is no such thing as a different cookie apart from the Ube cookie. This little purple confection isn’t only a dessert—it’s the colour of royalty, nodding to the very fact that it’s the apex, the top, the ultimate type of what a cookie was meant to be.
It’s not too candy, not some sugary, soul-sucking mess. No, this cookie is aware of steadiness; name it the Buddha of baked items. Added bonus? Your physique received’t be feeling that gradual, creeping loss of life towards a future stuffed with day by day insulin photographs.
Ube is the closest approximation of heaven {that a} non-practicing atheist like myself will ever expertise. Do your self a favor, wander all the way down to Hood Well-known, and cargo up on what is kind of actually the world’s solely cookie. FACTS. Ube is the bear hug on your soul and style buds so desperately wanted on this present hellscape we name life. Get your self one, and chew into some salvation.
We’re counting all the way down to 2025 by sharing a few of our favourite cookies on Slog daily in December! As a result of life is tough, and sugar helps. Will issues get bizarre? Possibly! There might have been a small hearth through the first picture shoot! However hopefully, you may additionally uncover some new favourite treats to take pleasure in this season. Monitor our day by day suggestions right here! 🍪
