Retailer-Purchased Frosted Sugar Cookies
Each Grocery Retailer in America
Look, I do know what you are considering. This store-bought frosted sugar cookie sucks. This cookie is simply too crumbly. This cookie tastes precisely the identical, regardless of the coloration, and breaks the sacred code that white means vanilla and brown means chocolate. This cookie has a sawdust texture as if chemically engineered to have as a lot air as bodily attainable between molecules of butter, sugar, and flour.
Fuck the haters. This cookie rocks. It is mediocre and constant, and but nothing else on this planet tastes identical to it. It is prefer it wasn’t made. It simply was. Showing at some point in each American grocery retailer, I think about, replenishing themselves with out anybody ordering them. Bakery division staff stopped asking questions years in the past.
Plus, that is THE cookie to carry to a kids’s party. It is essentially the most allergy-safe sugar bomb on this planet. It is proper on the packaging, like a loss of life warrant. An enormous fucking crossed-out peanut. No explaining to little Timmy why Jake overvalued, turned blue, and died. Not this 12 months.
Have you learnt what that assurance is like for individuals with allergy symptoms and other people afraid they’ll homicide individuals with allergy symptoms? That rumble you hear within the area between waking in dreaming? It is the sound of fists beating on the moist laminate surfaces of peanut-free lunch tables throughout America. That is the drumbeat of need. Of belonging. They need the cookie. I would like the cookie. Perhaps you need the cookie, too. I’ve received information for you: Peel open that clamshell. Go to city. That is the one renewable useful resource.
We’re counting all the way down to 2025 by sharing a few of our favourite cookies on Slog every single day in December! As a result of life is tough, and sugar helps. Will issues get bizarre? Perhaps! There might have been a small hearth throughout the first picture shoot! However hopefully, you may additionally uncover some new favourite treats to get pleasure from this season. Monitor our day by day suggestions right here! 🍪
